How the Big 5 Trait of Agreeableness Affects Your Communication Style and Relationships

Get to know yourself through the “Big 5” trait of agreeableness, and see how your agreeableness level can both help you and hurt you.

How hard is it for you to say no?

When others suggest:

• a restaurant you don’t want to go to, or
• doing something you think is dumb, or
• that you help them do something you really don’t have time for

…do you push aside your own wants and needs, so that you can “keep the peace”?

Or, are you the opposite—do you always push for the restaurant you want, or push others to do something you think is right?

Your answers reveal much about you and your measure of Agreeableness, one of the Big 5 personality traits.

What is agreeableness?

Simply put, Agreeableness is a personality trait that reflects a person’s effort to get along with others.

If you’re high in Agreeableness, others might describe you as cooperative, polite, kind, and friendly. You tend to be optimistic in how you view others and you have a high concern for social harmony.

In contrast, if you’re low in Agreeableness you place higher value on doing what you consider “right” or “best” over how others feel about it. You’re more skeptical of others, sometimes even suspicious.

Being high or low in Agreeableness isn’t “good” or “bad.” Both ends of the spectrum (and everywhere in between) come with inherent strengths and weaknesses.

Why is agreeableness important?

Knowing where you sit on the Agreeableness trait can help you stay true to your values and build stronger relationships.

For example, if you’re high in Agreeableness, you likely find it easy to make new friends and get along with others.

But this comes at a cost: Your willingness to keep the peace can tempt you to hide “disagreeable” feelings or to avoid difficult, but necessary, conversations. This causes small problems to escalate over time and adds stress.

In contrast, let’s say you rank low on Agreeableness.

You have no problem “keeping it real.” And you’re not afraid to push for an advantage—like a discount, upgrade, or better terms—for yourself, your team, or your loved ones.

But some find your communication style unpleasant. You may push others away from you, or cause them to start tuning you out.

How does knowing about agreeableness help you build emotional intelligence?

For those who score high on Agreeableness, your nature may lead to resentment when you perceive you’re being treated unfairly. Being aware of this can help you to address these problems earlier, rather than letting them stew beneath the surface.

If you avoid conversations that are difficult—but necessary, you might take time to prepare yourself to do so, even practicing out loud what you will say.

If you avoid negotiation or bargaining, can you partner with a stronger negotiator when doing so is necessary?

On the other hand, if you score low in Agreeableness, can you think of ways to be supportive rather than critical?

You may want to explain to your colleagues that your tendency to share contrary opinions is nothing personal. Let them know that you value their opinions, but you also believe in fully discussing matters when you disagree, as that can help you make better decisions as a team.

At the same time, remember that your low score Agreeableness may rub some the wrong way. Then, be proactive: Identify the strengths of others, and tell them what you appreciate, sincerely and specifically. When you do this, they’ll feel respected—and will be more willing to hear you out when you have something more “disagreeable” to say.

Finally, both at work and at home, remember that much of your success in communication will be determined not by what you say, but how you say it. So, ask yourself:

How can I deliver this message in a way that will actually get results from the person I’m speaking to?

This is just the tip of the iceberg…If you’re interested in:

• What other signs can help me see where I sit on the agreeableness spectrum?
• What needs do I need to satisfy? And…
• How can I further use all of this to my advantage, at work and at home?

Check out details about the full version of this course down below.

And check out the next article, where we’ll be tackling the next Big 5 trait:

Neuroticism.

Can you think of someone else who might want to get to know themselves? Consider taking this “mini personality master class” together: Just share the link to this article.

You’ve just read a small portion of my course:

Get to Know Yourself: Understand Your Personality and Build Self-Awareness

If you like what you’re learning, consider purchasing lifetime access to the full version of this course, which includes:

• Three different personality assessments, to help you further identify where you sit on the Big 5 traits
• Expanded insights and application
• Short, easy-to-digest videos illustrating key points
• An editable, printable workbook with exercises and journal prompts to help you discover and understand your personality