How the Big 5 Trait of Extraversion Affects the Way You Show Up—for Yourself and Others

I can’t believe I’m an introvert!

That’s what I told my coach Peter when we ran through the results of my personality assessment. I had always assumed I was more of an extrovert.

After all, I saw myself as a “people person.” I enjoyed spending time with friends and I excelled in social situations.

But here’s the thing that I—and maybe you—have gotten wrong:

Extraversion has nothing to do with any of that. You can be a socially adept introvert or a shy extrovert.

Rather, where you lean on the extraversion spectrum mainly comes down to one question…

Where do you get your energy?

In simple terms, the personality trait of extraversion refers to the state of finding joy and fulfillment from what is outside one’s self.

Meaning, extroverts get energy from others.

That doesn’t mean they never want to be alone. But they gravitate towards social interactions, as well as working in groups or teams. They’re comfortable around most people and enjoy discussing ideas, or thinking out loud.

In contrast, low score extroverts, or Introverts, find joy and fulfillment from within, engaging with their own thoughts.

It doesn’t mean they hate being with people or never want to be around them. But doing so tends to drain them. In contrast, they derive energy from being alone or with just one or two close friends.

It’s important to recognize that, like the other Big 5 traits, extraversion exists on a spectrum.

In other words, people aren’t 100% one way or the other; most will exhibit traits from both types. However, you may find that you lean more towards one end of the spectrum.

Why is knowing about extraversion important?

The more I learned about the extraversion spectrum, the more I realized I truly was more of an introvert.

For example, when I was still single, I loved watching movies or going out to eat by myself—something my more extraverted wife simply couldn’t understand.

And after spending time with others, I needed time alone with my thoughts…or reading a book, or playing chess online. This allowed me to recharge.

This discovery completely changed my life.

Armed with this new understanding, I could much better understand:

• my needs
• how I acted out when I didn’t meet those needs
• how to better meet my needs, and
• how to better manage my emotions when I couldn’t meet those needs

How does knowing about extraversion help you build emotional intelligence?

If you score high in extraversion, meeting new people and starting conversations probably comes easily to you. You’re likely to have a wide circle of friends or acquaintances.

Talking about yourself and your accomplishments doesn’t cause you embarrassment. Because of this, you easily leverage opportunities for sharing, learning, and collaboration.

On the other hand, others may struggle to keep up with your energy level in a group. You may even come off as aggressive, or abrasive. If you’re isolated from others, you may feel unmotivated or unfulfilled.

If you score low in extraversion, you may also enjoy being around people, but you likely prefer receiving or giving personal attention, one on one.

Because you enjoy deep thinking, you likely excel at brainstorming and problem solving. You will also tend to be a good written communicator.

At the same time, though, you may find it hard to work in a team. When others ask you to share your thoughts in meetings, you may feel anxiety, especially if you haven’t had time to prepare.

And since you require more time alone, including in your personal life, you may struggle in some relationships.

Wherever you sit on the spectrum, it’s helpful to learn what your needs are. Then, you can then seek, or create, the environment that allows you to recharge that energy.

Otherwise, you may start showing “stress behaviors” that negatively affect you and your relationships.

For example, if you need lots of down time to recharge, can you schedule it into your life like you do with your meals?

You may need to schedule “buffer time” between work meetings or social gatherings.

In contrast, if you need social contact to be at your best, can you schedule it proactively rather than hoping there will be something happening?

For example, if you need to brainstorm ideas for a project, you could try to do so with a teammate, rather than by yourself.

This is just the tip of the iceberg…If you’re interested in:

• What other signs can help me see where I sit on the extraversion spectrum?
• What other needs do I need to satisfy? And…
• How can I further use all of this to my advantage, at work and at home?

Check out details about the full version of this course down below.

And check out the next article, where we’ll be tackling the next Big 5 trait (it might be my favorite one):

Agreeableness.

Can you think of someone else who might want to get to know themselves? Consider taking this “mini personality master class” together: Just share the link to this article.

You’ve just read a small portion of my course:

Get to Know Yourself: Understand Your Personality and Build Self-Awareness

If you like what you’re learning, consider purchasing lifetime access to the full version of this course, which includes:

• Three different personality assessments, to help you further identify where you sit on the Big 5 traits
• Expanded insights and application
• Short, easy-to-digest videos illustrating key points
• An editable, printable workbook with exercises and journal prompts to help you discover and understand your personality