Remove the Illusion: Turn Disappointment Into Motivation

Disappointment stings. But it can also empower you.

Hey ,

Let me tell you about Maya Watson.

It was 2019, and Maya was thriving at Netflix. Her team was crushing it. Everyone told Maya how great she was and how she was knocking at the door of the most senior level of the company.

Years went by. Plenty of promises and no action.

“When I would ask what’s going on,” says Maya, “I was met with some version of this…”

1. With everything going on, It’s just not the right time.
2. We’re working on a plan for you, sit tight.
3. We need to see more from you.

“I became increasingly frustrated,” Maya says. “I started to believe that maybe it was me. Maybe I wasn’t ready.”

Then, one day, Maya ran into one of her mentors, a well-respected Vice President. Seeing that Maya looked frustrated, he asked if she was ok.

“No, I’m not ok,” Maya replied. “What more do I need to show? How much longer do I have to wait?”

Maya’s mentor chuckled. Looking her dead in the eye, he said:

“I have more than 200 people in my organization. It’s not statistically possible for me to think about their development or roadmap for their life and career. You have to take matters into your own hands or you’ll be waiting forever. No one is coming to save you.”

Maya stood there speechless.

“He was absolutely right and I couldn’t believe I never saw it that way until that moment,” says Maya. “I have always believed that frustration comes from a gap between expectations and reality. It set me free.”

That conversation set Maya on a new path. Within a couple of years, she left Netflix. And less than two years after that, she had cofounded her own company and was working—and living—on her own terms.

All of this because Maya was able to finally see reality. She was able to…

Remove the illusion
I was recently speaking to a good friend about this topic. He shared a fascinating thought that he learned from his therapist, about a German word with a special meaning.

The German word Enttäuschung (pronounced Ent-TOY-shung) is translated “disappointment” in English. Disappointment, as defined by Oxford, means “sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.”

But here’s where it gets interesting. If we break down the word Enttäuschung, it literally means the following:

Ent(fernen) = Remove
Täuschung = Illusion

Remove the illusion.

In other words, we often feel disappointment when the illusion of our expectations is removed, and we are forced to face reality. This is the experience Maya had: Her expectation—that her boss(es) would see her ability, her potential, her hard work—was not reality.

But discovering this empowered her to take action. And take action she did.

The lesson: You can change the relationship you have with disappointment. It doesn’t have to be saddening, or frustrating, or paralyzing.

Make it liberating.

Yes, disappointment stings. But appreciate the fact that the wool has been lifted from your eyes. Then, use that newfound knowledge to help you make better choices—decisions grounded in reality.

Like Jim Carrey’s character in The Truman Show

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Truman_Show
: Once he discovers his entire life is a charade, he sets out to experience the real world.

So, the next time you experience disappointment, take the time you need to process it. But then, take time to appreciate it.

The illusion is gone. Now it’s time to act.

Talk soon,
Justin